कल शाम मैं और मेरी पत्नी बैठक में बैठे थे,
तभी हमारी नई सुन्दर सी पड़ोसन हमारे घर आई। °
पत्नी ने हमारा परिचय दिया तो वो अवाक् सी बोली...अरे...ये...ये आपके पति हैं।
° पत्नी बोली - क्यों क्या हुआ?
° पड़ोसन - नहीं कुछ नहीं। °
पत्नी बोली - अरे हुआ क्या, बताओ ना?
° पड़ोसन शर्माते हुऐ बोली - बडे ही हैंडसम हैं।
° अब आप ही बताओ
इसमें रात को भूखा रखने की क्या बात हुई... 🙄🙄 😝😝😝😜😛😛
------------------------------------------------------------
लड़की - " माँ मुझे शादी नही करनी,
मैं independent हूँ,
खुद कमाती हूं।
पर सब लोग दबाव बना रहे है , आप ही बताओ मै क्या करूं..?"
माँ - " मानती हूं तुम जिंदगी की हर जंग अकेले लड़ने में सक्षम हो।
अपने भविष्य मे बहुत सी सफलताए हासिल करोगी...
मगर मुमकिन है तुमसे भी कुछ गलतियां होगी...
उस समय दोष किसे दोगी ।बोलो ...?
पति के महत्व को समझो बेटी...
पति के महत्व को समझो...
😝🤣🤣🤣
American Man, "How could you marry a woman before knowing her?"
Indian Man, "How could you marry a woman after knowing her?"
Uniqueidea.net
जब भी किसी रेस्टोरेंट या गार्डन में जाता हूँ और कपल्स को
बैठे हँसते हुए देखता हूँ ••
कसम से एक ही बात मन में आती है, एक दिन रोयेंगे सब के सब।
Wife is very clever.
She'll lay her head on your chest and ask -
"Honey, have you ever cheated on me?"
And the wait for your heart to beat fast.
Dear Innocent Husbands,
Be careful and please adjust your heart beats accordingly!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types
"Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
एक सुंदर औरत
क्रिकेट का मैच देख रही थी
और चेहरे पर इंडिया
के झंडे का नक्शा था,
एक बजुर्ग पास आया
और उसके चेहरे को चूम
कर बोला
कितना सुंदर है मेरा
भारत l
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
😅😅😅लंदन की युनिवर्सिटी में एक क्लास चल रही थी।
प्रोफेसर ने पूछा- अच्छा बताओ दुनिया में सबसे नीच, हरामी, दोगला, बदतमीज मुल्क कौन सा है ?
एक पाकिस्तानी धीरे से खड़ा हुआ और चिल्ला कर बोला-
...सालों! भून के रख दूँगा अगर किसी ने भी पाकिस्तान का नाम लिया तो...!🙊🙊🙊🙊
संता: सर जी, आप
अपनी पत्नी को पार्टी में
क्यों नहीं लाते?
बॉस: वो गाँव की है!
संता: माफ़ करना, मुझे
लगा वो सिर्फ आपकी है!””
----------------------- RajB2b.com -------------
1st man. : Which is the best month to get married?
2nd man : Octembruary
1st man : Don't be silly. There is no such month!!
2nd man : Exactly!! 😜😂p
----------------------- RajB2b.com -------------
"The radius of Wi-Fi is Limited
But the
The radius of Wife~Eye is Unlimited"
Have a safe Navaratri...⭐
----------------------- RajB2b.com -------------
दीवार पर लिखा था "यहां कुत्ते
सुसु करते हैं!"
संता ने वहां सुसु किया और
फिर हंस कर बोला:
इसे कहते हैं दिमाग सुसु
मैंने किया और नाम कुत्ते का आएगा.
पप्पू: मैं तो दुविधा में फँस गया हूँ.
चिरकुट : वो कैसे?
पप्पू : साला बीवी के मेकअप का खर्चा बर्दाश्त नहीं होता और मेकअप के बिना बीवी बर्दाश्त नहीं होती....
--------------------- Rajb2b.com ---------------------
गर्मियां है आप पंखे की हवा में बैड पर लेटे आराम से TV देख रहे है ।
पत्नी जी आती हैं और पंखा बन्द कर देती हैं हाथ में झाडु है ।
सर्दियां है पंखा बंद है आप बैड पर लेटकर आराम से TV देख रहे है ।
पत्नी जी आती है पंखा चला देती हैं हाथ में पोछा हैं।
है हिम्मत किसी में ये गुंडा गर्दी रोकने की😜😜😜😜
--------------------- Rajb2b.com ---------------------
मेरे वाई फाई ने अचानक काम करना बंद कर दिया.
... तब मुझे अहसास हुआ कि
मेरा पड़ौसी कितना लापरवाह इंसान है जो
वक्त पर बिल तक नहीं भरता.
--------------------- Rajb2b.com ---------------------
आज का हिंदी ज्ञान :
Air Hostess = हवाई सुंदरी
Nurse = दवाई सुंदरी😊
और Lady Teacher = पढ़ाई सुँदरी
और Maid = सफ़ाई सुँदरी
And wife - Ladaai sundri 😀😀😀😀😀😀
--------------------- Rajb2b.com ---------------------
पत्नी जी ने बड़े प्यार से कहा कि आइये आपके सर पर तेल लगा देती हूं ।
हमारी तो बांछे खिल गई और खुशी ख़ुशी बैठ गए ।
हद तो तब हो गयी जब वो सर पर तेल डालकर चली गयी और दूसरे काम में लग गयी
हमने पूछा कि "ये क्या है ? जल्दी से आओ न , तेल टपक रहा है "
पत्नी जी का सनसनाता जवाब सुनकर पति बेहोश है :-
आज शनिवार है, पंडित जी ने बताया है कि शादी के दिन से ही तुम पर शनि चढ़ा हुआ है ! अपने प्रिय देवता पर तेल चढ़ाओ । अब तुम्हीं मेरे मंदिर , तुम्ही मेरी पूजा , तुम्हीं देवता हो ,....... वाला गाना याद आ गया ?? बस !!!! चढ़ा दिया !!!
( अच्छा हुआ , नारियल फोड़ने का नहीं बोला ?? हा हा हा )😄😄😄
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! 😂💕😂
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
*************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
***************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started....
***************************
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'
And then the fight started....
***************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."
So I took her to my parents house.
And then the fight started....
*******Uniqueidea.net*****
Dedicated to all married couples.. But don't send to all
I sent to my friend. He sent to his wife and then the fight started.
😝😝😝
A status by a Wife....
I trust you... But remember.. My trust & your bones will break simultaneously....
Good day ...
Husband tells wife that he is going for a 3 day church conference .
Wife packs his bag , prepare break fast for him and says " Darling , let's pray together before you leave "
Husband " yes "
.
Wife prays loudly " oh lord ! Grant my husband travelling mercies "
Husband " Amen !"
Wife " oh lord ! Let my husbands mind not waver Let him become impotent , if he commits adultery "
Husband silent 😷
Wife " oh lord ! If he commit any adulterous act , let him not come home alive "
Husband silent now starts sweating .
Wife" oh lord ! If he cheats his wife,kill him...
Husband " oh shut up ! I am no longer going ! . The holy spirit just told me that the meeting has been cancelled "
" POWER OF A PRAYING WOMAN "
😂😂😂😂
Wife checks husbands mobile and find all girls numbers saved in the following order
New bird
Neighbour bird
Old bird
Upstair bird
Hospital bird
Insurance bird
College bird
Super market bird
Finally she checks her name. and it was saved as
Angry bird"
====================
Who are MEN?
.
Woh jo Narak mein bhi mile toh kahe.. "Abe !! Yamraj ki wife dekhi ?? Aag hai Aag "!!
😆😋😋😋
Who are Women ??
.
Woh jo swarg mein bhi mile, to kahe
"Apsara Dekhi..
No Dressing sense at All"..
Son : Mom I am not feeling sleepy. Can you tell a story..
Mom: Dear even I am not feeling sleepy.
Your father has not yet come home. When he comes,
will ask him why he is late ..
Then see how many stories he tells ..
एक पापी आदमी मरने के बाद नर्क में गया...
कुछ सालों बाद उसके गांव के ही पंडितजी उसे नर्क में मिल गये....
उस पापी आदमी को बड़ा आश्चर्य हुअा कि, 'सारा गांव जिन पंडितजी की शराफत, इंसानियत की कसमें खाता था, उन्हें तो स्वर्ग में जाना चाहिये था'
उसने हैरान होकर पंडितजी से पूछ ही लिया-
" पंडितजी ! आप यहाँ कैसे ???
" पंडितजी-" पंडिताईन के कारण .....!
" पापी- " मतलब ??
पंडितजी- " मैंने मेरी पूरी जिंदगी में कभी झूठ नहीं बोला,
बस बीबी से ही बोलता था...
" पापी"- मैं कुछ समझा नहीं...
" पंडितजी- " वो रोज सुबह तैयार होकर मुझसे पूछती-
मैं कैसी लग रही हूँ जी ??? "
.
.
.
.
😝😝😝
😱😱😱
ज्यादा हँसो मत . .
हम सब भी नर्क में ही जानेवाले हैं ...
1 night, a Doctor says to his Wife: U r not good in BED.
Wife walks out.
Doctor feels sorry & asks her-
Where r u going?
Wife: To Get a 2nd OPINION..
Wife : Mujhey divorce chaahiye.
.
.
.
.
Husband : Dekh le sardi-sardi ruk ja!
------------------ rajb2b.com ---------------------
बीवी बाथरूम से नहाकर निकली तो उसका पति उसे घूर रहा था...
बीवी (रोमांटिक मूड में) : इरादा क्या है जनाब ???
पति ने दो थप्पड़ खिंच के मारे और बोला "मेरे गरम पानी से क्यूँ नहाईं"
A husband in a book store : ”Do You have a book called, ‘Husband--the BOSS of the House’..?”
Sales Girl: “Sir, Comics are on the 1st floor....
--------------------------------------------------------------
कल तेरी वाइफ क्यों जोर जोर से चिल्लाई क्यों थी।
मेरे घर तक आवाज आई थी।
☺
अरे कुछ नहीं यार उसका फ़ोटो FACEBOOK पे अपलोड करने की जगह rajb2b classified पर अपलोड हो गया इसीलिए।
Hubby: Call Ambulance! I'm having a heart attack
Wife: Okay! Give me your mobile password
Hubby: Its okay, I'm good
Question: WIFE aur GIRLFRIEND mai kya difference hota hai ?
.
.
.
.
.
Best Answer Is :
Karib Karib
25 Kg Ka
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Breaking News: Warning to all husbands, service tax goes up to 14%. This will make beauty parlours And eating outside more expensive...so keep reminding your wives that they are naturally beautiful.
Also encourage them that they cook awesome food
This one is for all you married bugs!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
After massive demand from all husbands..........
A new app called. "Darr" is launched in iphone 7....
You just say..... 'Wife'..
and it immediately closes all websites,
hides all chats,
shuts down all games,
hide all special folders and deletes chat history!
and best above all,
it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.
----------------------------------------------------------------
This is called... Check n mate...��
Killer one: Someone asked an old man "Even aftr 70yrs, You still cal you wife...
...Darling ... jaan ... janu...., sweety..., baby...., Honey....., Luv....!!!!
What is the secret of this love???
Old man replied: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago........ & I'm scared to ask her.
Prize winning message of the year :
Wife at night : Tell me how much did Sachin score in 2003 world cup against Pakistan?
Husband : 98, why you are asking ?
Wife : Now tell me why you didn't wish me for my birthday since morning ?
Silence........... Husband couldn't even say, I have a bad memory
A married man's prayer;
Dear God,
You gave me childhood, You took it away.
You gave me youth, You took it away.
You gave me a wife..........
Its been years now, just reminding you...
औरत की दिलेरी का अंदाज़ा आदमी को शादी के उसी वक्त लगा लेना चाहिये,
जब वो उसे लेने 200 - 300 आदमियोँ की बारात लेकर जाता है,
और 'शेरनी' उधर से अकेली चली आती है ...
Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Pappu: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
A child asked his father, "How were people born?
" So his father said,"Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became
adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question
and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- Every WIFE is a Mistress of her Husband
Miss for first year & Stress for rest of the life
A small argument between a couple turns violent.
Husband says: Dont let the animal in me come out.
Wife replies: Whos afraid of a mouse!!!
Recent research tells husbands to treat
Wife like electricity
If handled with care,
she will light up your life.
But if mishandled,
may give shocks through out your life
Marriage is a WORKSHOP ...
where
Husband Works
&
Wife Shops ...
Wife : I am not talking to you.
Husband : Okay.
Wife : Don't you want to know the reason.
Husband : No, I respect & trust your decision!
Husband is busy with computer while Wife was in Romantic Mood
Wife: I love you ...
Husband: hmmm, Say something if you have anything new !
Wife: I am going to be a Mother !!!
Husband: Good, anything else new !!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wife (Irritated)) : And, you are NOT father of this baby.
Husband : I'm not getting sleep
Wife: Let go and then clean dishes
Husband :::::
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
This is Speaking of sleep ... silly
Ramesh :::::::: sir! ---- My wife is missing !!!
This is the post office, not the police station ::::
Ramesh :::::::: Oh Sorry!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- Fuckin 'do not understand where to go in this killing spree
Love your husband
when he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen your non stop talks.....
Love him
if he looks at all the beautiful females.
He is just checking that you are still the best.
Love him
if he criticise your cooking ...
he is still improving his taste.....:
Love him
if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after being married to you
Love him
if he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday
he is saving money for your future.
Love him ...
Because you don't have a choice and
killing is a legal offence
Fwd to all wives so they continue to love their husbands
Wife wanted to go to her Her parents house...
Husband booked her tickets via Malaysian airlines...
...One time investment.
Newly married husband
puts a notice in front of his residence:
FOR SALER "Computer and Encyclopedia" both in good condition.
Reason for selling: No longer needed. Got married. Wife knows EVERYTHING
...with backup server called "Mother In Law "
Ek wife ki bade shaher me
interview ke baad
naukari lag gai,
usne socha 'apne pati ko SMS
kar du,
taaki unhe chinta na ho, .
Par Usne Galati se galat no. Par
SMS bhej
diya.
Jisko ye MSG mila wo apni patni
ka antim sanskaar
kar ke laut raha thaa,
SMS padh te hi wo behosh ho
gaya.
MSG kuch is tarah ka thaa
. .
.
.
..
.
. ..
.'mai sahi salamat pahuch gai hu,
yaha
rahene ki
bi achhi suvidhaa hai,
aap chinta mat karna 1 - 2 din
me aap ko bi bula lungi...'
Football 2014
Man comes to sleep after watching WorldCupFinal; at 3:30 am.
Wife - koun jeeta.?
Husband - Germany.
Wife - mujhe to pehle hi pata tha..India nahi jeetegi !!
Football 2014 Jokes
Hubby-Jab main tumhe marta hu tb tum apna gussa kispe nikalti ho?
Wife-Toilet saf krke
H-wo kaise?
W-Me toilet apki toothbrush se saf krti hu
Wife - Meri age 58 saal hote huve bhi aapka ek dost mere husn ki taarif karta hai....
Pati ... Usmaanbahi Hoga
Wife - Aapne Kaise Pahchana!!!
Pati - Wo Scrap Dealer hai....
Wife: Meri sharafat dekho...
Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli...
Husband: Aur meri sharafat dekho...
Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya..
Wife casually calls husband at office one afternoon:
Husband : Hi, kaisi ho?
Wife : Theek hun.
Husband : Aaj kya khaya lunch mein?
Wife : Tumhe bas yehi batein karni aati hain, kya khaya, kuan sa serial dekha, kaun sa song suna....
Husband : Oh!! Ok Ok, ye batao ki how shuld RBI fight these inflationary trends with minimum intervention in the money markets?
Wife : (after few seconds silence) - Daal chawal khaye hain, dahi aur salad bhi tha..
Yesterday night in an argument with my wife she said
Look you Coward , do u remember first time you came to my residence with 200 +people and I went alone with you
And myself as usual SPEECHLESS
One who loves us with closed eye known as - "Lover"
.
One who loves us upto close the eye known as - "Mother" and
.
One who loves with shows Eyes is known as - "Wife"
On wedding night,
Husband - Ghar mein sabse pyar se rehna, sabki respect karna, unka Vishwas jeetna, unki care karna, hamesha sach bolna...
Wife(room ka darwaza khol kar) - Sab andar aajao, yahan satsang chal raha hai.. suhag raat mein Praannath ki jagah aloknath aa Gaye hai
बीवी ने बड़े प्यार से पति के गले में बाहें डाली और पूछा, कैसी लग रही हूं जी?
पति: जैसे भगवान शंकर के गले में नागिन लिपटी हो।
Husband bought new car and thought of giving surprise to wife....
He called his wife as he enters the house,
Darling, Your dream has came ture after many years...
Wife came running...
and ask
Hi Hi Hi
What happen to Mummji!!!
How to keep wife happy . . . .
It's really not difficult to make a wife happy. A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a charmer
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Never stress her
50. Never look at other women!
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space
VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * her favorite color * her favorite flower * her favorite gem * her favorite fragrance * her favorite memories * her favorite holidays * her favorite friends * her favorite vacation destinations * her favorite beverage * her favorite food * her favorite restaurant * any arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE HUSBAND HAPPY
Just leave him alone.....with his TV remote...and beer .....And he'll be just fine...:
Dedicated to all ......
Men are always boring Creatures WHY?
1-Their last name stays with them forever,
2-Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat,
3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,
4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend after a drink,
5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes without even even knowing whether they really need it
7-They dont freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies as poor guys don't have much choices.
6. They always feel Friends' wives are better than their's. Pass this to all men who think great of themselves and To women who'll enjoy reading it
After 15 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said: ABCDEFGHIJK.
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot" he replied.
Smiling, she asked: What about IJK?
He replied: I'm Just Kidding!
HUSBAND SENT AN SMS TO WIFE:
Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living.
You're Great.
SHE REPLIED :Pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao..
DARO MAT..
KUCHH NAHI BOLUNGI..! !
Husband: Thank you. chal darwaza khol de neechae gate par khada hoon addhae ghante se.
Husband: "Jaan socha call kar loon, tum miss to kar rahi hogi?"
Wife: "Aurr subah jo ladai hui thi, woh kya tha?"
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Husband: "Oh fittay muh, ghar ka number lag gaya?"
Generally a Man does not go to the place again...
Where he has been Cheated once.
But many People still go to their "sasural place"..
पति देर रात एक पार्टी से घर लौटा। बीवी गुस्से में तमतमाई हुई थी, उसने चिल्लाकर पूछा, अगर तुम मुझे दो दिन तक
ना देखो तो तुम्हें कैसा लगेगा?
पति को अपने कानों पर भरोसा ही नहीं हुआ, उसने खुशी के मारे बोल दिया, बहुत अच्छा लगेगा! ....
सोमवार का पूरा दिन बीत, पति को बीवी नहीं दिखाई दी...
इसी तरह मंगलवार और बुद्धवार भी बीत गए... लेकिन
पति को अपनी बीवी नहीं दिखी!
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गुरुवार को पति के चेहरे से सूजन कुछ कम हुई और वो बायीं आँख के कोने से आखिरकार अपनी बीवी को देख पाया।
एक मासूम सी बीवी थी...
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भैया,,, जोक् तो ऊपर ही था..वहीं हंस लेते..
ईतने नीचे क्युं चले आये ???
Husband: Agar operation ke dauran mujhe kuch ho jaye, to usi doctor se shadi kar lena.
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Biwi: Aisa kyun keh rahe ho?
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Husband: To kya doctor ko maaf kar du ....?
Criteria for life partner:
A Man's criteria for life partner
They expect their women to Look like Miss Universe and Work like Shanta Bai
And
A Female's criteria for life partner.
They expect their man to earn like Ambani & behave like Manmohan Singh
If a man is allowed to select a girl from 100 girls
and even if he picks the most beautiful girl,
He still FEELs the Pain of losing the remaining Ninety Nine girls!!
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and women say Men don't have feelings
Message to wife...
Meri piyari bivi !!!
Sawaal kuchh bhi ho,
Jawab tum hi ho.
Rasta koi bhi ho,
Manzil tum hi ho.
Dukh kitna hi ho,
Khushi tum hi ho.
Armaan kitna hi ho,
Aarzu tum hi ho.
Gussa jitna bhi ho,
Pyar tum hi ho.
Khwab koi bhi ho,
Taqdeer tum hi ho.
Yaani aisa samjho ki, Fasaad Kuch bhi ho,
Saare fasaad ki jadd, Sirf tum hi ho...
Himmat hai to apni apni waliyon ko bhejna...... !!!!
Every Wife Must Read This.....
Love Your Husband...
When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks.....
Love Him...
If he looks at all the beautiful females.
he is just checking that you are still the best.
Love Him...
If criticise your cooking..
He is still improving his taste.....
Love Him...
If snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after Marriage with you
Love Him...
If he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday he is saving money for your Future.
Love Him...
Because you don't Have a Choice..
Husband & wife dining in a hotel:
Hubby:
I wanna tell you something.
Wife:
Its not good manners to talk while eating.
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(After Eating)
Wife:
Now tell me.
Hubby:
There was a cockroach in your biryani...
Saying " love u too" after your wife says " I love u" is like saying " jai mata di" after u hear " jor se bolo".
Its compulsory!!!
Wife (angrily) -
I don't believe this...
u forgot my birthday again??
How can you do this...
Husband - how can you expect me to remember your birthday when u never look older..
Wife (clears her throat and smiles) -
jaanu Sacchi 😛
Husband in his mind (sahi time pe dialogue aa gya beta...
warna marta aaj...)
HEIGHT OF JEALOUSY AMONG LADIES
A wealthy business man and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
wife : Glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
Husband...she is my mistress
Wife.....enough, i just want divorce now
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
Wife : "Who's that woman with him?"
Husband :"That's his mistress"
Wife: paused, looked her up and down."Ours was much better than this over painted bitch "
Once A Man Asked God: "Why All Girls Are So Cute & Sweet, And All Wifes Are Always Angry
God Answered: Girls Are Made By Me ... And you make them Wife...!!!
Your Problem ... !!!
Wife - suppose karo....main tumhari har baat samjhu...aur manu to...??R33;R33;Husband haste haste floor pe gir jata hai - mujhse to suppose bhi nhi ho raha.....
Hrithik Roshan and his wife Sussanne have decided to separate.
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Moral : Even a superhero like Krrish cannot handle a Wife.
पति पत्नी में भयंकर वाक् युध्द हुआ।
पति ने क़ोध में आकर कहा- " मै पति पद से इस्तीफा देता हूँ"
पत्नी ने कहा - " वैकल्पिक व्यवस्था होने तक पद पर बने रहिये"
Today is a fine day!
Husband to wife: Today is a fine day.
Next day he says: Today is a fine day.
Again next day, he says same thing: Today is a fine day.
Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband: Since one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?
Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said, 'I will leave you one fine day.'
I was just trying to remind you.
Wife takes her very ill husband to a Doctor.
Doctor advises to wife :
- Give him healthy breakfast daily
- Be pleasant & in good mood
- Cook tasty dinner
- Don't discuss your problems with him
- Stop watching tv shows & facebook n whats app
- Don't demand new jewels
If u can do this for one year, Ur husband will be ok.
On the way to home, husband asks wife :
What did Doctor say ?
Wife : Bachna mushkil hai !
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday
I gave him food today he gave me a book "How to Cook" !!!
4 dangerous weapons in the world bigger than nuclear bomb:
1. Wife's Smile
2. Wife's Tear
3. Wife's Looks
& the most dangerous,
4. Wife's Missed Call.!
Girl: Jaanu, Mujhe kisi mehnghi jagah pe ghumane le chalo na.
Boy:Chal,taiyaar ho ja. Pehle Petrol pump fir gas agency, baad me sabji mandi chalenge.
Agar Husband Apni Wife k Liye
Car ka Darwaza Kholay,
Toh Samajh Jao ke...
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Ya to Car Nayi Hai,,
Ya
Wife Nayi Hai,
Ya phir....
Wife 'Nahi' hai...
Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !
(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog)
Why love marriage is better dan Arranged????
B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL" is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".
Wife - agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho.....KHUSH RAHO
Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!
A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband..
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !!
A Man before marriage is - Superman.
After Marriage - Gentleman.
5 Years Later - Watchman.
10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman
Customer To Hotel
Manager:-
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Jaldi Chalo... Meri Biwi
Khidki Se Kud Kar Jaan
Dena Chahti Hai.
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Manager:- So, What Can I
Do?
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Customer:- Kamine...
Khidki Khul Nahi Rahi
Hai. . . . . .khol jake
1. टाटा नैनो की नीलामी हो रही थी
बोली लगी ..
5 लाख
10 लाख
20 लाख
संता : इस सस्ती और पुरानी गाड़ी में ऐसा क्या है भाई ?.
बेचने वाला : इसके 12 एक्सीडेंट हुए हैं, हर बार सिर्फ बीवी मरी है।..
संता : इसकी मां की आंख ..1 करोड़
Husband apni wife ka janaza le k ja raha tha
Janaze k aage 1 kutta
or
peeche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi
1 aadmi aa kar puchta hai
Bhai ye sub kese huwa
Husband: Is kutte ne kaat liya tha or meri wife mar gai
Aadmi: Ye kutta 1 din k liye mujhe de do
Husband: Tum kya samajhte ho ye sub log meri b v k janaze mein shirkat karne aaye hen?
ye sub kutta lene aaye hen Peeche line mein lag jao..
पप्पू रेलवे स्टेशन घर जा रहा था,
रास्ते में उसके दोस्त ने पप्पू के जले हुए होंठ देखे...
दोस्त: यार पप्पू तेरे होंठ कैसे जल गए...?,,,
पप्पू: कुछ नहीं यार, बीबी को स्टेशन छोड़ने गया था,
वो मायके जा रही थी...बस ख़ुशी में ट्रेन का इंजन चूम लिया
Agar aapki wife aapka kehna nahi manti hai to..
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to..
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Itna dhyan se mat padho,
kisi ki nahi manti...
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Iska koi solution nahi hai.!
Wife (seeing stars): btao wo kaun si chiz hai,
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jo tum roz dekh sakte ho par tod nahi
sakte.?
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Husband: nahi mai nahi btaunga.
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Wife(smiling): nahi btao na plz.
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Husband : Tera muh ... .....
Wife husband se phone pe: Jee ye window open nahi ho raha hai.
Husband: thoda sa tel garam kar ke daal do.
Wife: Isase window open ho jayega.
Husband: Koshish kar ke dekho.
Thodi der bad husband phone kar ke wife se puchhata hai.: window open hua.
Wife: Window to open nahi hua, par ab laptop bhi band ho gaya...
Wife= agr me kho jau, to tum kya kroge
husband=me nirmal baba ke pas jauga
wife=baba se kya kahoge
husband=baba kirpa aani suru ho g
Power Of Wife :389;
Hubby :- Ye kyaa tum ek aur dress le aayi ? Abhi parso hee to...
Wife chilla kar boli :-
Kyaa parso ?
Bolo......
Bolo kyaa kahaa tum ne ?
Ruk kyon gaye ?
Kyaa parso,
Parso kyaa,
Bolo jaldi
Jaldi bolo naa,
Bataa-o kyaa parso ?
Hubby : Kuchh nahi, main bus yeh keh rahaa thaa ki parso bhi ek hee dress laayi thi pagli, aaj to do le aati...
Wife: Is that Bret Lee
Husband: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.
Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies like his brother.
Husband: He does not have an actor brother
Wife: What about Bruce Lee
Husband: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian
Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.
Husband: No. It is called action replay.
Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkatta
Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter.
Husband: He is not calling for a helicopter. Its a free hit.
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a free hit?
Wife: Now whom is he saying HI to?
Husband: He is signalling a Bye.
Wife: Why is he saying Bye. Is the game over?
Wife: How many runs to win?
Husband: 72 in 36 balls
Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball
Husband turns off the TV.
Wife turns it on and
Wife Pati ko Maar Rahi Thi
Padosi : Kyu maar rahi ho bechare pati ko ?
Patni : Koi bechara nahin hai, Inko call kiya to ek
ladki boli
"Aap hamare jis grahak se sampark karna chahte
ho, wo abhi vyast hai" kripaya kuch der bhaad call
kare ...
Simple Test for love & Affection:
Put your wife in a room & lock it..
Put your dog in another room & lock it!
Open both of them after 2 - 3 hours &
see who is Happy to see U, and who will BITE you
(The users are advised not to try at home as these stunts are performed by professionals)
Patni Pati ko surprise karne ke liye Kitchen me jake New SIM se Call ki & Boli-"Hello Darling".
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Pati- Baad me call karo Jaan,
"Abhi wo Kamini kitchen mai hai
Wife to Husband (on Phone) : Hi, Are you busy?
Husband : Yes! Why? What is it?
Wife : I have a Good news & a Bad news!
Husband : Just give me the Good news, don't have time for the Bad.
Wife : Ok, the Good news is that the Air Bags in our new BMW 7 series worked perfectly FINE !!
धरती से जाने के बाद प्राण साहब ऊपर पहुंचे ...
यमराज ने प्राण साहब से पूछा -: कौन हो तुम ?
इस पर प्राण बोले... इस इलाके में नए आए हो साहब,
वर्ना शेर खान को कौन नहीं जानता...
यमराज: जानते हो कहाँ खङे हो, और किससे बात कर रहे हो?
प्राण: सब पता है, शेर खान ने शादी नहीं की तो क्या, बारातें बहुत देखी हैं...
यमराज (चिल्लाते हुए) -: हम यम हैँ यम! इस तरह से बात कैसे कर रहे हो??
प्राण: चिल्लाओ नहीं बरखुरदार , गला खराब हो जाएगा ...
Wife: U had lunch?
Husband(in fun mood) : U had lunch?
Wife : Im asking u.
Husband : Im asking u.
Wife: U copying me?
Husband: U copying me?
Wife: Lets go shopping
Husband: I had lunch
Man: I lost my wife.
Inspector: What is her height?
Man: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Man: Not slim, can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of the eyes?
Man: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair?
Man: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Man: Saree/suit. I don't remember exactly.
Inspector: Was somebody with her???
Man: Yes, my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, brown eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non-veg. food, we eat together, we jog together... And the man started crying....
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!
पत्नी (पति से) बोली - मैंने सुना है कि स्वर्ग में पति-पत्नी को साथ में रहने नहीं देते...।
पति : अरे पगली, तभी तो उसे स्वर्ग कहते है
Wife : Jaanu ! Aaj tumhari girl friend night stay karne aa rahi hai !
Maine fridge mein beer & fresh fruit salad banake rakha hai.
Room freshner side table par hein.
Nahaane ka soap with lime fragrance or towel bhi rakha hein.
Main baccho ko Leker mummy ke yaha jaa rahi hoon, kal sham tak aa jaungi.
Program mein koi change ho toh inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi...!
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Isko kahte hai
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Mungerilal ke haseen sapne...!!!!!
Patni:- Suno ji news paper me
khabar chapi hai ki ek pati ne apni patni ko bech diya....
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Pati:- Kya kitne me bech diya usne apnipatni ko...??
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Patni:- Sirf ek cycle ke badle
me....Suno ji
kahi aap to mere sath aisa nahin karoge
na....
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Pati:- Are tu bhi na pagal hai ekdam....
Mai tughe aise hi thode na bechunga....
rajb2b.com pe bechunga
Tere badle me to ek puri Car aa jayegi...
Bihar Govt. announced Rs. 50,000 to every family with 5 children in house-hold.
Pandey had 4 so he tells his wife, "Meri girlfriend se mera ek baccha hai, use le aata hu. Paanch ho jayenge aur Govt. Pachas hazar de degi hume."
Pandey baccha leke ghar aaya aur usne wife se puchha, "Baccha agaya hai. Hamare chaar kahan hain?"
Wife boli, "Jis jis ke the woh le gaye
सड़क किनारे एक भिखारी बैठा हुआ था. उसने सूरत से ही सम्पन्न लगने वाले एक आदमी को अपनी ओर आते देखा तो कातर स्वर में बोला साहब, भगवान के लिए इस गरीब को रोटी खाने के लिए दो रुपये दे दीजिए
आदमी यह सुनकर ठिठका, फिर बोला अबे, रोटी खाकर क्या करेगा, चल मैं तुझे व्हिस्की पिलाता हूँ !
भिखारी नहीं साहब, मैं शराब नहीं पीता.
आदमी तो ये ले सिगार पी बीस रुपये का आता है ये !
भिखारी नहीं नहीं साहब, मैं धूम्रपान नहीं करता .
आदमी अच्छा तो फिर चल, मेरे साथ कैसीनो चल मैं पैसे लगाऊंगा और तू खेलना. हो सकता है तू ढेर सारा पैसा जीत जाए !
भिखारी राम राम, जुआ खेलना तो बहुत बुरी बात होती है साहब
आदमी अच्छा तो फिर चम्पाबाई के कोठे पर चल, तुझे मुजरा दिखाकर लाता हूँ
भिखारी नहीं साहब, मैं वेश्याओं के यहाँ नहीं जाता !
आदमी ठीक है तो फिर एक बार मेरे घर तो चल
भिखारी आपके घर क्यों साहब ?
आदमी मैं अपनी बीवी को दिखाना चाहता हूँ कि जो आदमी शराब नहीं पीता, सिगरेट नहीं पीता, जुआ नहीं खेलता और बाजारू औरतों के पीछे नहीं घूमता वह कैसा होता है !
Your husband needs rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.!!
Message of the year
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!! Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"
But Do u have courage tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
& no one teaches How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
Why women starts with "W" because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
Dinner Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
Habit of talking in sleep
A Lady to Doctor: My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what should I give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he is awake
I will think about it
When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..
New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..
Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don't discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels. Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive
Angry wife to her husband
0n Phone: "Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop, Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I 'm in the Pub Just Next To That Shop
Always LOVE Wife,
No Life Without Wife,
Wife se PYAAR karo,
Wife ke Prati Imaandar raho,
Wife ke Prati Vafadar raho,
"Ye Mat Socho ki...
WIFE KIS KI hai.!"
पति-पत्नी एक भीड़ वाली बस में सफर कर रहे थे।
पति को एक जवान लड़की से सट कर खड़ा देख पत्नी जल-भुन रही थी। इतने में अचानक लड़की घूमी और उसने महिला के पति के गाल पर एक जोरदार तमाचा मार दिया...
लड़की: यह लो पराई औरत को चिकोटी काटने का मजा!
बस से उतरने पर पति ने पत्नी को सफाई देते हुए कहा: कसम से, मैंने कोई चिकोटी नहीं काटी थी। सच कह रहा हूं!
पत्नी मुस्कुराकर बोली: मुझे मालूम है!
बांके जैसे ही पत्नी को अपनी तरफ आते हुए देखता चश्मा पहन लेता
एक दिन पत्नी ने पूछा...
जब भी मैं तुम्हारे पास आती हूं...
तो तुम चश्मा क्यों पहन लेते हो...
बांके: डॉक्टर ने कहा था जब भी सिरदर्द आए चश्मा पहन लेना...!!!
पत्नी (चिल्लाते हुए) : अजी सुनते
हो Window खुल नहीं रही !
पति (बैठे बैठे) : थोडा पानी डाल दो ..
जाम हो गयी होगी !
थोड़ी देर बाद ....
पति : क्या हुआ Window खुली के नहीं ?
पत्नी : Window तो क्या खुलनी थी ..
पानी डालने के बाद से अब लैपटॉप भी ऑन नहीं हो रहा
डाक्टर साहब जल्दी चलो ! मेरी पत्नी को साँस आ रही या नहीं ?या ढोंग ....?
---पडौस में रहने वाली लड़की को छेड़ कर देख लो ....डाक्टर का जवाब ...!
पति (पत्नी से)- न कजरे की धार, न मोतियों के हार, न कोई किया श्रृंगार, फिर भी इतनी सुंदर हो.
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पत्नी (क्रोध में आकर) - साफ-साफ कहो ना कि मेकअप के पैसे नही दोगे...
पत्नी से मंदिर के बाहर पति बोला,"तुम यहीं रुक जाओ मैं दर्शन कर के आ जाता हूँ"।
पत्नी: क्यों? मुझे भी दर्शन करने हैं मैं भी आउंगी।
पति: अरे वो तो ठीक है पर मंदिर का भी कोई नियम कायदा है।
पत्नी: अच्छा वो कौनसा कायदा है जो मेरे मंदिर जाने पर पाबंदी लगाता है?
पति: वो देखो सामने बोर्ड पे साफ़ साफ़ लिखा हुआ है कि विस्फोटक सामग्री को अन्दर ले जाना मना हैं, तो मैं तुम्हें कैसे ले जाऊ"।
Judge: What's the proof that you were not over-speeding?
Man: My Lord, I was going to my in-laws place to bring my wife back.
Judge: Case dismissed..!
Wife : " 'Naari' Ka Matlab Kya Hai...?"
Husband : "Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti...!!!"
Wife : "To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai...?"
Husband : "Very Simple.... sirf 'Sahan Shakti' hi hai...!!!!"
A wife looks in the mirror and tells her husband:"I look horrible, fat and ugly... Please say something nice about me"
The husband replies, "Your eyesight is PERFECT"
Husband(jalane k liye):" Kal mere khawab mein ek ladki aai thi
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Wah kya ladki the
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Wife:" Akeli aayi hogi..??? .
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. Hus:" Tum ko kaise pata ??
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. Wife: " Uska husband mere khwab mein aaya tha......
Husband k B'day par Wife ne pucha- :- b29;
Kya gift du? b29;
Husband-:- b29;
tum mujhe pyar karo, b29;
meri izzat karo aur. b29;
mera kehna mano. b29;
Yekafi hai. b29;
. b29;
. b29;
. b29;
WIFE :- b29;
Nahi Nahi b29;
main to GIFT hi dungi b29;
India me sirf
1% Ladkiya hi
Tennis,
Cricket,
Hockey
Jaise khel khelti hain.
Aur Baaki.?
Baaki 99%
BIWI bankar
PATI ki Zindagi se
khelti hain...!!
एक बार एक आदमी अपनी पत्नी के साथ दांतों के डॉक्टर के क्लीनिक में जाता है और कहता है, "' डॉक्टर मै बहुत जल्दी में हूं सच कहूं तो बाहर गाडी में मेरे दो दोस्त बैठकर गोल्फ खेलने के लिए जाने के लिए मेरी राह देख रहे है इसीलिए आप ऐसा करें की बिना बेहोश किये दर्द दे रहे दांत को निकाल दें।
डॉक्टर: बिना बेहोश किये दांत निकालने से बहुत दर्द होगा।
आदमी: कोई बात नहीं डॉक्टर साहब हमें 10 बजे गोल्फ क्लब पहुंचना है इसीलिए बेहोशी का असर होने तक रुकने का वक्त मेरे पास नही है।
डॉक्टर ने कुछ देर सोचा और बोला, "ठीक है बताओ कौनसा दांत निकालना है"?
डॉक्टर की बात सुन वह आदमी अपनी पत्नी की तरफ पलटा और बोला, "जानू मुह खोलो और डॉक्टर साहब को बताओ कौनसा दांत निकालना है"।
Train me 1 husband apni wife se-,,,tujhe se shadi kr ke pachta rha hu,dil krta h tujhe kutte ke aage daal du.saamne wala passenger-BHO. BHO.BHO.BHO..
Pogo Watchers Step Aside Plsh :P
Biwi : aik glass paani pila do ?
Husband : Khud uth ke pi lo
Biwi : Pila do naaa ...
Husband : Ab kaha na to thappar marunga ...
Biwi : Yaad hai na ? aj saturday night hai yaad hai na tumhen ??
Husband : Jaanu garam laon ya fridge ka ??
kaho to pepsi hi le ata hun apni jaaan ke liye main ...
Husbnd asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE; He told It Means.
Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says No, it means - With Idiot for Ever
Funny Commerce Question: In a marriage photo album why husband is on the right and wife on the left in every photo.
Answer: Kyun Ki Balance Sheet Ke Anusar Liblities Left Mein Hoti Hai Aur Assets Right Mein
After 2 Year Of Married Life, Some Examples How Wives Fight With Their Husbands.
Accountant Wife: Apne Hisab Se Raho Samjhe,
Share Broker Wife: Jyada Bola Na Toh Sauda Kar Dungi Loss Mein,
Orthopedic Doctor Wife: Kam Bolo, Haddiyan Tod Dungi,
Piolet Wife: Aaj Kal Jyada Hee Hawa Mein Udd Rahey Ho, Zameen Par Laau Kya Abhi,
History Teacher Wife: Mujhe Jyada Itihaas Mat Sikhao Samjhe,
Software Engineer Wife: Abey Pehle Bug Toh Nikal Le, Baad Mein Bahas Karna.
Sukhi vaivaahit jeevan ka raaz...
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Aaj bhi raaz hi hai.
EK AADMI KI BIVI Sunami me bahgai ,
Wo jab bhi Samundr Kinare Jata ,
Lehre uske Pair Bhiga Jati aur Wo Kehta ,
Kitna bhi Pair Chhulo ,
BIVI WAPAS NAHI LUNGA ;)
1 LADY Apne BF K Sat Gum Rhi ti. Itne ME Uska Hsbnd Aa gya or usk BF Ko Peetne Lga.
Ldy-Mar Sale Ko! Apni BV Gumate Nhi, Dusre Ki BV Ko Gumane le ate h.
Itne me BF ko josh aya or wo hsbnd ko marne lga.
Ldy-Mar sale ko! na khud gumane le jata h,na kisi or ko gumane deta h..
What is Difference Between COMPLETE & FINISH ?
When You Marry The Right Woman,
You Are "COMPLETE"
And
When You Marry The Wrong One,
You Are "FINISHED"!
And
When The Right One Catches You With The Wrong One,
You Are "COMPLETELY FINISHED" !
Husband - G krta h k tumhari zulfo Me khoJau Tumhari ankho Me busJau Tumhari baho Me jhool Jau.
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wife- DEVANAND hi rahoge ya kbhi IMRAN HASHMi Bhi Bnoge...!
Wife:
Look at that drunker.
Husband:
Who is he?
Wife:
10 yrs back he proposed me & I rejected him.
Husband:
Oh My God, he is still celebrating.
Wife-janu, kash aap msz hote,main aapko save karti,jab chahe padhti
Husband- kanjus,save hi karke rakhti ya apni kisi saheli ko forward bhi karti?
Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai, meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.
Husband: Mujhe toh yeh tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai.
शादी के बाद पति ने पूछा :
"तुम्हारे शादी से पहले कितने boyfriend थे ?"
Wife ने 1 लिफाफा दिया , जिसमे चावल के कुछ दाने और 200 Rs. थे .
पति : ये क्या ?
Wife : मै जब भी boyfriend बनाती थी तो 1 चावल का दाना इसमें डाल देती थी .
पति (दाने गिन के ) बस 7? और ये 200 Rs. क्यूँ ?
Wife : 4 किल्लो चावल बेच दिए ...
Golden Rule:-
To be happy with a man,
love him little and understand him a lot.
To be happy with a woman,
love her a LOT and DO NOT TRY to understand her
Friend I notice that Your Wife is mostly in the kitchen, Probably she Cooks many varieties.!
Husband No.! Actually our Telephone Connection is in the kitchen.!
Munna : Will U marry , after I die.
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Munna: No I will also live with ur sister.
In art gallery couple sees,
picture of a girl covered by leaf,
Husband keeps watching,
Wife: ab chaloge ya PATJHAR,
ka intezar karte raho gay.
पति - जानती हो, विदेशों में तलाक लेना बहुत ही आसान है
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पत्नी जानती हूँ, तभी तो वहाँ लडकियां शादी के समय रोती नहीं हैं. !!!
एक कहावत: पति और पत्नी एक ही गाड़ी के दो पहियों की तरह होते हैं...
नया संस्करण: कोई भी पहिया पंक्चर हो सकता है..
इसलिए समझदार लोग हमेशा एक स्टेपनी रखते हैं...!!!
Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk:Did u see me robbing?
Clerk:Yes.Robber shot him dead asked nextclerk:Did u?
2nd clerk:No, But my wife saw u
Teacher: Nari ka matlab kya hota hai ?
Pappu : Nari ka matlab hota hai
"SHAKTI "
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Teacher : To Purush ka Matlab kya hota hai ?
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Pappu : " SEHAN - SHAKTI "
Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:- because I can`t bear that much happiness
A Woodcutter Loses his Axe (Kulhaadi) & Lord Offers him Both Gold & Silver but He takes his Own Axe & Seeing his Honesty Lord gives him All 3.
One day he goes Again 2 Forest with his Wife. But his Wife Falls into the River, he Cries n Pleads to the Lord to give him his Wife.
Lord brings Out Angelina Jolie & Asked
'Is this ur Wife'
He Replied - Yes.!
Lord said 'U Lied and you are gona be Punished'
He Said 'wait Lord I Lied bcoz if I had Said No, u Would have taken out Cameron Diaz.
If Then I said no, u Would have taken Out My Wife and Seeing my Honesty, U would have Given me All 3.
Bt I m a Poor Man, I Can't keep All 3. So I said Yes to Angelina.
God: here u go take her home.
Moral: Men r Honest Liars.:p
Husband messages wife : Hi, what are you doing, darling ?
Wife : I'm dying.....
Husband jumps with joy but types : Oh dear, how can I live without you ?
Wife : You idiot, I'm dying my hair....
Husband : Shit...bloody English...!!!!!
What is the first sign of old age?
~Wrinkles...?
No....
Medicines....?
No....
Boldness....?
Certainly not...
Then what..?
Think...
Don't know...?
When you start Loving Your
OWN WIFE !!
अगर आपकी पत्नी आपका कहा नहीं मानती तो....
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तो
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इतना ध्यान से क्या पढ़रहें हैं...
किसी की भी पत्नी अपने पति का कहा नहीं मानती...
Wife-Mujhe apne pati par shak hai k wah roj bahar kisi ladki se milte hai.
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Saheli-Ab tum kya karogi?
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Wife-Aaj hi unke piche apne dono boyfriend ko lagati hu.
Wife on Phone - Kaha ho aap?
Pati - Tumhe wo jwellry shop yad hai jaha tumhe 1 diamond ka set bahut pasand aya tha, per mere pas paise nahi they.
Wife (khush hote huye) Haan haan mujhe sab yad hai.
Pati - haan to usi shop ke baju wali shop pe baal katwa raha hu
India me Sirf 1% ladkiya hi
cricket
tennis
hockey
volyball
jaise khel khelti hai pata hai Q?
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Q k 99% ladkiya ,PATNI BAN KAR PATIYO KI zindagi se khelti hai.
पत्नी: मैंने तुम्हें बिना देखे शादी की...
कैन यू बिलीव दैट?
पति: और मेरी हिम्मत तो देखो..मैंने देखने के बाद भी तुमसे शादी की...!!
"Happiest man is one whose son's photo is on Business World cover,
Daughter's on India Today,
Girl friend's on Femina and ....
Wife's on missing column of newspaper.....!!!"
From a woman's point of view :
1.The most perfect man in the world is her father...
2.The most abused husband in the world is her brother...
3.The most handsome man in the world is her son...
4.The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister's husband...
5.The most thankful man in the world is her son in law...
6. And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and the man with worst behavior in the world is her husband........!!!!
पत्नी: सुनो जी, यदि तुम्हारे बाल ऐसे ही गिरते रहे तो मैं तुम्हें तलाक दे दूंगी.
पति: ओह भगवान, और मैं बेवकूफ इन बालों को बचाने में लगा था. आज ही गंजा होता हूं भागवान.
A Husband: Last 9t, it was my fault. My wife asked me,"what's on TV ?" & i said,"DUST!".
Wife: Suno ji, Doctor ne muje ek mahina aaram ke liye swizerland ya paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kaha jayenge?
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Husband: Dusre Doctor ke paas.
NAWAB ne BEGAM se bola:HATA Lo Apne Chahre Se Ye Zulfe,O Jaane-E-Tamanna
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KHUDA Kasam
Agli Baar "Khane" Me Baal Aaya to SAJNI se GAJNI bana DUNGA.
Ek aadmi God se ::
Tune bachpan diya cheen liya,
Jawani di cheen li,
Paisa diya wapas le liya,
Ab ye biwi di hai
to de kar bhool gaya kya.:)
Biwi raat me kpde utarte hue,
tirchi nazar se pati ki traf dekhte hue boli- "Pta h na kya krna h?"
Pati: aisi ki taisi. Me itni rat ko kapde ni dhounga.. :))
Ek aadmi God se ::
Tune bachpan diya cheen liya,
Jawani di cheen li,
Paisa diya wapas le liya,
Ab ye biwi di hai
to de kar bhool gaya kya.:)
Biwi raat me kpde utarte hue,
tirchi nazar se pati ki traf dekhte hue boli- "Pta h na kya krna h?"
Pati: aisi ki taisi. Me itni rat ko kapde ni dhounga.. :))
Ladies se bhari bus ka accident ho gya
Sari ladies mar gayi
sbke pati 1-1 ghnte roye
santa akela 2 ghnte roya..
Q??
Qki uski patni ki bus chhut gyi..:-)
Doctor : bhagwan maine logo ki bahot sewa ki hai mujhe swarg me aane do.
god : nahi tum andar nahi aa sakte.
Pandit: bhagwan maine sari jindagi aapki pooja ki hai mujhe swarg me aane do.
god : nahi tum bhi andar nahi aa sakte.
Married person : bhagwan mai shadi shuda hu .
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god: bas kar pagle rulayega kiya, chal aa andar swarg me aa
Gusse Ka Aana Mard hone Nishaani Hai
Magar
Gusse ko Pee Jaana woh
Husband hone ki Nishaani Hai
कभी सोचा है कि पत्नी को बेगम क्यों कहते हैं?
क्यों कि शादी के बाद सारे गम तो पति के हिस्से में आते हैं और पत्नी बे गम हो जाती है।
Jo Biwi Apne Pati se darti hai,
Wo markar Swarg Mai Jaati hai,
or
Jo Biwi apne pati se nahi darti hai
Uske liye tau yahi par swarg hai
यदि कोई पति कार का दरवाजा खोलकर खड़ा हो जाये और
पत्नी से बैठने का आग्रह करे तो यह तय जानिये कि या तो कार नई है या पत्नी।
एक आदमी ने 100 बार रक्तदान करने का रिकॉर्ड बनाया।
ब्लड बैंक वालों ने उसकी पत्नी का सम्मान यह कहकर किया कि ...
...आपने नहीं पीया तभी तो हमने लिया।
पत्नी (पति से)- मेरी तरफ मुंह करके सो जाओ ना, मुझे डर लग रहा है।
पति (पत्नी से)- अच्छा और मैं भले ही डर के मारे मर जाऊं।
एक कार की नीलामी हो रही थी।
एक लाख, दो लाख, तीन लाख..
शर्मा जी सुनकर चौंक गए और बोले- आखिर इस खटारे में ऐसा क्या है? जो सब इतने दाम लगा रहे हैं?
कार विके्रता- इसके 10 एक्सीडेंट हो चुके हैं हर बार सिर्फ पत्नी ही मरती है, पति बिल्कुल सही सलामत रहता है।
Hsbnd-Raja Dasrath ki 3 Raniya thi
Wife-To kya hua?
Hsbnd-To mai 2shaadiya aur kar sakta hu
Wife-Draupdi ka nam suna hai
Hsbnd-Tu bhi na pagli dil pe le leti hai
शादी से पहले एक आदमी - सुपरमैन होता हैं.
शादी के बाद - जेंटलमैन होता हैं.
5 साल बाद - वाचमैन होता हैं.
10 साल बाद - अपने ही जाल में फसा हुआ स्पाइडरमैन होता हैं.
पत्नी : अगर मैं खो गयी तो तुम क्या करोगे?
पति : मैं टीवी और अख़बार में विज्ञापन दूंगा की जहा कहीं भी हो..... खुश रहो
पत्नी :1 बात बोलू पर मुझे मारना नहीं.
पति : बोलो
पत्नी : मैं पेट से हूँ.
पति : ये तो अच्छी खभर हैं, तुम इतना डर क्यों रही हो
पत्नी : शादी के पहले पापा को बताया था, बड़ी मार पड़ी थी.
पहला आदमी: नारी का क्या मतलब होता है?
दूसरा: नारी का मतलब है शक्ति
पहला:तो फिर पुरुष का मतलब क्या होता है?
दूसरा:पुरुष का मतलब सहन शक्ति।
What's the similarity between sun and wife?
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Yehi k dono ki taraf ANKH utha k nahi dekh sakte
बीमार IT profesional से उसकी बीवी बोली-इस बार जानवरो के डॉक्टर को दिखाओ
पति-क्यों?
बीवी-रोज़ सुबह मुर्गे की तरह जल्दी उठ जाते हो.घोड़े की तरह भाग के ऑफीस जाते हो.गधे की तरह दिनभर काम करते हो.लोमड़ी की तरह इधर-उधर से इन्फर्मेशन बटोरकर रिपोर्ट बनाते हो.बंदर की तरह बॉस के इशारे पे नाचते हो.घर आके कुत्ते की तरह भोंकटे हो, और फिर भैंस की तरह सो जाते हो. इंसानो का डॉक्टर तुम्हे क्या ठीक कर पाएगा.
Wife saw sign board
a) Banarsi saree Rs.10
a) Nylon 8/-
a) otton 5/-
Wife: Give me Rs.500 wI'll buy 50 sarees
Husbnd- soordas ki amma, istri ki dukan he.
