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Jokes >> Husband Wife


How to keep wife happy . . . .

It's really not difficult to make a wife happy. A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a charmer
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Never stress her

50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space

VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * her favorite color * her favorite flower * her favorite gem * her favorite fragrance * her favorite memories * her favorite holidays * her favorite friends * her favorite vacation destinations * her favorite beverage * her favorite food * her favorite restaurant * any arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE HUSBAND HAPPY
Just leave him alone.....with his TV remote...and beer .....And he'll be just fine...:

Dedicated to all ......
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Men are always boring Creatures WHY?


1-Their last name stays with them forever,
2-Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat,
3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,
4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend after a drink,
5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes without even even knowing whether they really need it
7-They dont freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies as poor guys don't have much choices.
6. They always feel Friends' wives are better than their's. Pass this to all men who think great of themselves and To women who'll enjoy reading it
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After 15 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said: ABCDEFGHIJK.
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot" he replied.
Smiling, she asked: What about IJK?
He replied: I'm Just Kidding!
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HUSBAND SENT AN SMS TO WIFE:

Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living.

You're Great.

SHE REPLIED :Pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao..
DARO MAT..
KUCHH NAHI BOLUNGI..! !

Husband: Thank you. chal darwaza khol de neechae gate par khada hoon addhae ghante se.
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Husband: "Jaan socha call kar loon, tum miss to kar rahi hogi?"
Wife: "Aurr subah jo ladai hui thi, woh kya tha?"
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Husband: "Oh fittay muh, ghar ka number lag gaya?"
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Generally a Man does not go to the place again...
Where he has been Cheated once.

But many People still go to their "sasural place"..
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पति देर रात एक पार्टी से घर लौटा। बीवी गुस्से में तमतमाई हुई थी, उसने चिल्लाकर पूछा, “अगर तुम मुझे दो दिन तक
ना देखो तो तुम्हें कैसा लगेगा?”
पति को अपने कानों पर भरोसा ही नहीं हुआ, उसने खुशी के मारे बोल दिया, “बहुत अच्छा लगेगा!” ....
सोमवार का पूरा दिन बीत, पति को बीवी नहीं दिखाई दी...
इसी तरह मंगलवार और बुद्धवार भी बीत गए... लेकिन
पति को अपनी बीवी नहीं दिखी!
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गुरुवार को पति के चेहरे से सूजन कुछ कम हुई और वो बायीं आँख के कोने से आखिरकार अपनी बीवी को देख पाया।
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एक मासूम सी बीवी थी...
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भैया,,, जोक् तो ऊपर ही था..वहीं हंस लेते..
ईतने नीचे क्युं चले आये ???
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Husband: Agar operation ke dauran mujhe kuch ho jaye, to usi doctor se shadi kar lena.
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Biwi: Aisa kyun keh rahe ho?
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Husband: To kya doctor ko maaf kar du ....?
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Criteria for life partner:
A Man's criteria for life partner
They expect their women to Look like Miss Universe and Work like Shanta Bai
And
A Female's criteria for life partner.
They expect their man to earn like Ambani & behave like Manmohan Singh
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If a man is allowed to select a girl from 100 girls
and even if he picks the most beautiful girl,
He still FEELs the Pain of losing the remaining Ninety Nine girls!!
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and women say Men don't have feelings
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Message to wife...

Meri piyari bivi !!!

Sawaal kuchh bhi ho,
Jawab tum hi ho.

Rasta koi bhi ho,
Manzil tum hi ho.

Dukh kitna hi ho,
Khushi tum hi ho.

Armaan kitna hi ho,
Aarzu tum hi ho.

Gussa jitna bhi ho,
Pyar tum hi ho.

Khwab koi bhi ho,
Taqdeer tum hi ho.

Yaani aisa samjho ki, Fasaad Kuch bhi ho,
Saare fasaad ki jadd, Sirf tum hi ho...

Himmat hai to apni apni waliyon ko bhejna...... !!!!
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Every Wife Must Read This.....

Love Your Husband...
When he orders you to make tea or coffee.
He wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks.....

Love Him...
If he looks at all the beautiful females.
he is just checking that you are still the best.

Love Him...
If criticise your cooking..
He is still improving his taste.....

Love Him...
If snores at night and disturbs your sleep.
He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person after Marriage with you

Love Him...
If he forgets to give you a gift on your birthday he is saving money for your Future.

Love Him...
Because you don't Have a Choice..
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Husband & wife dining in a hotel:

Hubby:
I wanna tell you something.

Wife:
It’s not good manners to talk while eating.
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(After Eating)

Wife:
Now tell me.

Hubby:
There was a cockroach in your biryani...
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Saying " love u too" after your wife says " I love u" is like saying " jai mata di" after u hear " jor se bolo".
Its compulsory!!!
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Wife (angrily) -
I don't believe this...
u forgot my birthday again??
How can you do this...

Husband - how can you expect me to remember your birthday when u never look older..

Wife (clears her throat and smiles) -

jaanu Sacchi 😛

Husband in his mind (sahi time pe dialogue aa gya beta...
warna marta aaj...)
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HEIGHT OF JEALOUSY AMONG LADIES

A wealthy business man and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

wife : Glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

Husband...she is my mistress
Wife.....enough, i just want divorce now
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
Wife : "Who's that woman with him?"
Husband :"That's his mistress"
Wife: paused, looked her up and down."Ours was much better than this over painted bitch "
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Once A Man Asked God: "Why All Girls Are So Cute & Sweet, And All Wifes Are Always Angry

God Answered: Girls Are Made By Me ... And you make them Wife...!!!
Your Problem ... !!!
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Wife - suppose karo....main tumhari har baat samjhu...aur manu to...??R33;R33;Husband haste haste floor pe gir jata hai - mujhse to suppose bhi nhi ho raha.....
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Hrithik Roshan and his wife Sussanne have decided to separate.

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Moral : Even a superhero like Krrish cannot handle a Wife.
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