Today is a fine day!

Husband to wife: Today is a fine day.

Next day he says: Today is a fine day.

Again next day, he says same thing: Today is a fine day.

Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband: Since one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?

Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said, 'I will leave you one fine day.'

I was just trying to remind you.

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Wife takes her very ill husband to a Doctor.

Doctor advises to wife :
- Give him healthy breakfast daily
- Be pleasant & in good mood
- Cook tasty dinner
- Don't discuss your problems with him
- Stop watching tv shows & facebook n whats app
- Don't demand new jewels
If u can do this for one year, Ur husband will be ok.
On the way to home, husband asks wife :
What did Doctor say ?
Wife : Bachna mushkil hai !

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Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday
I gave him food today he gave me a book "How to Cook" !!!

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4 dangerous weapons in the world bigger than nuclear bomb:

1. Wife's Smile
2. Wife's Tear
3. Wife's Looks
& the most dangerous,
4. Wife's Missed Call.!

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Girl: Jaanu, Mujhe kisi mehnghi jagah pe ghumane le chalo na.
Boy:Chal,taiyaar ho ja. Pehle Petrol pump fir gas agency, baad me sabji mandi chalenge.

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Agar Husband Apni Wife k Liye
Car ka Darwaza Kholay,
Toh Samajh Jao ke...

.
.
.

Ya to Car Nayi Hai,,
Ya
Wife Nayi Hai,
Ya phir....

Wife 'Nahi' hai...

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Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !

(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog)

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Why love marriage is better dan Arranged????
B'coz a "KNOWN DEVIL" is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".

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Wife - agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho.....KHUSH RAHO

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Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai

... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!

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A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband..
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !!

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A Man before marriage is - Superman.
After Marriage - Gentleman.
5 Years Later - Watchman.
10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman

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Customer To Hotel
Manager:-
.
.
.
.
Jaldi Chalo... Meri Biwi
Khidki Se Kud Kar Jaan
Dena Chahti Hai.
.
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.
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Manager:- So, What Can I
Do?
.
.
Customer:- Kamine...
Khidki Khul Nahi Rahi
Hai. . . . . .khol jake

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1. टाटा नैनो की नीलामी हो रही थी
बोली लगी ..
5 लाख
10 लाख
20 लाख
संता : इस सस्ती और पुरानी गाड़ी में ऐसा क्या है भाई ?.
बेचने वाला : इसके 12 एक्सीडेंट हुए हैं, हर बार सिर्फ बीवी मरी है।..
संता : इसकी मां की आंख ..1 करोड़

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Husband apni wife ka janaza le k ja raha tha
Janaze k aage 1 kutta
or
peeche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi
1 aadmi aa kar puchta hai
Bhai ye sub kese huwa
Husband: Is kutte ne kaat liya tha or meri wife mar gai
Aadmi: Ye kutta 1 din k liye mujhe de do
Husband: Tum kya samajhte ho ye sub log meri b v k janaze mein shirkat karne aaye hen?
ye sub kutta lene aaye hen Peeche line mein lag jao..

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पप्पू रेलवे स्टेशन घर जा रहा था,
रास्ते में उसके दोस्त ने पप्पू के जले हुए होंठ देखे...
दोस्त: यार पप्पू तेरे होंठ कैसे जल गए...?,,,
पप्पू: कुछ नहीं यार, बीबी को स्टेशन छोड़ने गया था,
वो मायके जा रही थी...बस ख़ुशी में ट्रेन का इंजन चूम लिया

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Agar aapki wife aapka kehna nahi manti hai to..
.

.

to..
.

.

.

.

.

Itna dhyan se mat padho,
kisi ki nahi manti...
.
.
Iska koi solution nahi hai.!

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Wife (seeing stars): btao wo kaun si chiz hai,
.
jo tum roz dekh sakte ho par tod nahi
sakte.?
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Husband: nahi mai nahi btaunga.
.
. .
.
Wife(smiling): nahi btao na plz.
.
.
. .
.
Husband : Tera muh ... .....

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Wife husband se phone pe: Jee ye window open nahi ho raha hai.
Husband: thoda sa tel garam kar ke daal do.
Wife: Isase window open ho jayega.
Husband: Koshish kar ke dekho.
Thodi der bad husband phone kar ke wife se puchhata hai.: window open hua.
Wife: Window to open nahi hua, par ab laptop bhi band ho gaya...

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Wife= agr me kho jau, to tum kya kroge

husband=me nirmal baba ke pas jauga

wife=baba se kya kahoge

husband=baba kirpa aani suru ho g

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