Husband - Wife jokes Wishes And Messages, Husband - Wife jokes WhatsApp Picture Sticker

एक आदमी अपनी बीवी का

एक आदमी अपनी बीवी का अंतिम-संस्कार करके घर लौट रहा था.

अचानक मौसम खराब हो गया,
बिजलियाँ चमकने लगीं, बादल गरजने लगे,
चक्रवात आने जैसा मौसम बन गया.

उस आदमी ने खामोशी से ऊपर देखा और अपने आप से बोला,"लगता है, बड़ी जल्दी ऊपर पहुँच गयी...."Read Details

husband to wife : Darling

husband to wife : Darling Gut gut ke jeena acha he ya ekdam mar jana
wife :- ekdam
husband :- to phir apna dusra hat b muj pe rakh doRead Details

Wife : Why are you

Wife : Why are you so lazy? 
Husband : Because I cannot sleep properly in tonight. 
Wife : Why??? 
Husband : I was with you in my dream!Read Details

Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe

Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!

Wife: Woh kya?

Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!Read Details

Wife-: chalo na aaj sunday

Wife-: chalo na aaj sunday h bahar chalte hai or driving main karti hu... 
Husband-: ahha! 
Matlab jayenge car me or ayenge kal k AKHBAAR me...;-)Read Details

पत्नी: अगर मैं खो गयी

पत्नी: अगर मैं खो गयी तो तुम क्या करोगे?
पति: मैं अखबार में ईश्तिहार दूंगा।
पत्नी :तुम कितने अच्छे हो, क्या लिखोगे?
पति: जहां भी रहो खुश रहो!!Read Details

Aisi BIWI ko kya kahege

Aisi BIWI ko kya kahege jo Sundar ho,
Samajhdar ho, Budhiman ho, Kam bolti ho,
aur apne pati se kabhi na LADTI ho " AFWAH"Read Details

Husband- Ek writer ne likha

Husband- Ek writer ne likha hai ki
"Pati ko bhi ghar ke maamlo mein bolne ka haq hona chaahiye.."

Wife-Woh bechara bhi dekho likh hi paya,Bol Nahi Saka...Read Details

WIFE, BIWI aur PATNI Me

WIFE, BIWI aur PATNI Me Kya Fark Hai......Socho....Kuchh Fark Nahi Hai DostYe Musibat ke 3 alag alag Naam Hai. . . . .Read Details

Husband aur wife hotel me

Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne 
Hello kiya, 
Wife- koun thi wo? 
Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchhegi.Read Details

Wife 2 Husband : sunoji,

Wife 2 Husband : sunoji, aajkal ladka bahut paise uddane lagaa hai, 
Jahan bhi chhupati hoo, dhoondh leta hai

Father: Saale ki book me rakh de, exam tak nai dhundh paayega !!!Read Details

Ek aadmi ne conductor se

Ek aadmi ne conductor se poochha aap kitne ghante bus mai rahte ho?

Conductor ne kaha 24 Ghante 

Aadmi : wo kaise

Conductor: 8 Ghante City Bus aur 16 Ghante Biwi ke Bus maiRead Details

जब मियां-बीवी जमकर लड चुके

जब मियां-बीवी जमकर लड चुके तो बीवी ने पैर पटकते हुए कहा, मैं जा रही हूं मायके और वहां जाकर तलाक के लिए मुकदमा दायर कर दुंगी, हां!
मियाः चलो हटो! अब ऐसी झुठी-झुठी, मीठी-मीठी बातें करके रिझाने की कोशिश मत करो।Read Details

शादी की सालगिरह पर पति

शादी की सालगिरह पर पति अपनी पत्नी के लिए गुलाब का फूल लेकर आया। 
पत्नीः मुझे यह नही चाहिए, कोई सोने की चीज दो...।
पतिः यह लो तकिया और सो जाओ।Read Details

पत्नीः सुनो जी, अगर तुम्हारे

पत्नीः सुनो जी, अगर तुम्हारे सिर के बाल इसी रफतार से झडते रहे तो एक दिन मैं तुम्हें तलाक दे दूंगी। मुझे गंजे लोग बिल्कुल पसंद नहीं है। 
पतिः मैं भी कितना बेवकूफ हूं, कुछ अक्ष्छा मांगने के बजाय भगवान से हमेशा कहता रहा कि मेरे बाल सही सलामत रहें।Read Details

पत्नी(पति से)- आप बहुत मोटे

पत्नी(पति से)- आप बहुत मोटे हो गए हो।
पति(पत्नी से)- तुम भी तो कितनी मोटी हो गई हो।
पत्नी- मैं तो मां बनने वाली हूं।
पति- तो मैं भी तो बाप बनने वाला हूं।Read Details

पत्नी (पति से)- प्रिय, तुम

पत्नी (पति से)- प्रिय, तुम मुझसे कितना प्यार करते हो?
पति- मैं तुम्हे बहुत प्यार करता हूं। तुम्हारा झुठा जहर भी पी सकता हूं। अगर यकीन न हो, तो आज शाम को ही आजमाकर देख लो।Read Details

पत्नीः कॉलेज के बारे में

पत्नीः कॉलेज के बारे में तुम्हारा कोई कटु अनुभव है?
पतिः हां, तुम्हारी और मेरी पहली मुलाकात कॉलेज में ही तो हुई थी।Read Details

एक झगडालू पत्नी पति पर

एक झगडालू पत्नी पति पर बरस रही थी और वह बेचारा मुंह लटकाए खडा हुआ था। 
पत्नी बोल रही थी। कायर कही के, तुम आदमी हो या चुहे?
पति गिडगिडाया- श्रीमतीजी , मैं आपका पति ही हूं, अगर चूहा होता तो तुम थर-थर कांत रही होती।Read Details

पति-पत्नि चाय की चुस्कियों के

पति-पत्नि चाय की चुस्कियों के साथ अखबार पढ रहे थे। 
पत्नि को एक चटपटी खबर दिखी तो उसने पति से कहा, खबर छपी है कि एक अस्सी साल के कुंवारे बूढे ने शादी कर ली।
पति ठंडी सांस भरते हुए बोला, बेचारे ने लगभग पूरी जिदंगी समझदारी दिखाई पर बुढापे में बेवकूफी कर ही दी।Read Details

बंटी-बबली शॉपिंग के लिए बाजार

बंटी-बबली शॉपिंग के लिए बाजार गए।
बबली बोली- कितनी अजीब बात है कि मेरे पास साडी का बॉर्डर है पर साडी नहीं, 
शीशी है पर सेंट नहीं, अंगुठी है पर नेकलेस नहीं। मेरा भी यही हाल है। मेरे पास पर्स है, पर पैसे नहीं।Read Details

रामू ने अपनी तुनकमिजाज बीवी

रामू ने अपनी तुनकमिजाज बीवी रमा का मूड अच्छा करने के लिए एक तरकीब सोची।
उसने अपने बर्थ-डे पर रमा की गिफट की गई दो घ्घ्घ्घ् में से एक पहन ली और रमा के सामने जाकर खडा हो गया।
रमा जोर से बोली- अच्छा तो वो रेड कलर का शर्ट तुम्हें पसंद नहीं आया, इसलिए नहीं पहना ना.....।Read Details

अंजलि (अपने पति राहुल से)-

अंजलि (अपने पति राहुल से)- मैं तुमसे जो भी कहती हूं,
तुम एक कान से सुनकर दूसरे कान से निकाल देते हो।
राहुल- मैं जो तुमसे कहता हूं, तुम भी तो वो सब दोनों कानों से सुनकर मुंह से निकाल देती हो।Read Details

रानी (पति पर ताना मारते

रानी (पति पर ताना मारते हुए)-मैं यदि न होती तो आपकी यह फटी कमीज कौन सिलता?
राजा- तब इसकी जरूरत ही नहीं पडती। मैं ढेर सरी कमीजें सिलवा लेता।Read Details

घर की सफाई करते हुए

घर की सफाई करते हुए पति-पत्नि को एक पुरानी रसीद मिली।
यह रसीद उस जूते की थी जो १२ साल पहले मरम्मत के लिए दिया गया था। दंपति दुकानदार के पास गए और रसीद देकर जूता मांगा। दुकानदार जूता लेकर आया और बोलाः इसे अगले हफते आकर ले जाइएगा। हमारा कारीगर छुटटी पर है।Read Details

पत्निः क्या हुआ, आज घर

पत्निः क्या हुआ, आज घर इतनी जल्दी कैसे आ गए?
पतिः आज बॉस को मुझ पर गुस्सा आ गया और उन्होनें कहा भाड में जाओ।Read Details

एक घर में चोर घुस

एक घर में चोर घुस गया। पति-पत्नि ने मिलकर चोर को पकड लिया।
पत्नि जो बहुत ही मोटी थी, चोर के कंधो पर बैठ गई और बोलीः सुनोजी, 
आप जल्दी से पुलिस को बुला लाओ, तब तक मैं इसे पकड कर रखती हूं। तभी इधर-उधर देखने लगा।
बीवीः अरे क्या देख रहे हो?
पतिः मेरी चप्पल नहीं मिल रही.....
चोर कराहते हुएः जल्दी कर भाई, मेरी ही पहन जा।Read Details

A man who surrenders when

A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST. 
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE. 
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBANDRead Details

Why did u shoot ur

Why did u shoot ur wife ? 
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover? 
husband:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.Read Details

Major Rohail kangaal ho gayaa

Major Rohail kangaal ho gayaa tau apni bivi se bola: Bacho ko nani ke yanha chhor aao aur Tum apni maa ke pass chali jao Aur mera kya hey Mei tau apne susraal hi chala jaungaRead Details

MOUSE BECOMES LION Mohan: 'Why do

	MOUSE BECOMES LION
Mohan: 'Why do women hate alcohol so much?'
Mohini: 'Because after drinkings it, their mouse-like husbands become lions.'
Read Details

TIME ZONES While on a personal

TIME ZONES
While on a personal visit to Las vegas, Laloo wanted to talk to his wife, but was afraid to disturb her. So he picked up the phone and asked the long-distance telephone operator, 'Could you please tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Vegas.' 
Operator: 'Just a minute, sir....'
Laloo: 'Thank you,' and put the phone down.
Read Details

HUM DO HAMARE DO Many a

HUM DO HAMARE DO
Many a husband and wife 
In our vast country 
Eager to practise the state slogan
Hum Do Hamar Do
Keep a comfortable margin of one
And raise a family of there
On the wisdom of precaution
Against disease and accidental demise 
of one out of the total
But to their excitement 
The third survives all chances
Thanks to medical advancements
The state plan is thus thrown
Out of gear
By the unsuspecting and faithful 
Why not practise a different slogan
Hum Do Hamare Ek 
To bring about a better 
Arithmetical balance
Between the state slogan
And human precaution?
Read Details

DEDUCTIVE LOGIC The average wife would

DEDUCTIVE LOGIC	
The average wife would rather have beauty than brains, beacuse she knows that the average husband can see better than he can think. 
Read Details

SAGACIOUS Novice: 'Do clever men

SAGACIOUS 

Novice: 'Do clever men make good husbands? '
Sage: 'Clever men don't become husbands!'
Read Details

TO EAT OR NOT...? A husband

TO EAT OR NOT...?
A husband was heard to confess that during the early months of his marriage, he was so much in love with his wife that he wanted to eat her.
 As the years passed by, he increasingly regretted that he had not!
Read Details

DIFFERENT STROKES Wife: 'The two

DIFFERENT STROKES 
Wife: 'The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.'
 Husband: 'Which is this?'
Newlywed: 'Do you want dinner?'
Spouse: 'Sure, what are my choices?'
Newlywed: 'Yes and No.'
First guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy: 'You're luckly, mine's still alive.'
A husband said to his wife, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.'
Read Details

COOKING INSURANCE Wife: 'If I

COOKING INSURANCE 

Wife: 'If I dismiss the cook and make the food for you myself for a month, what will you pay me?' 
Husband" 'I don't need to pay you. You'll get my entire life insurance amount.'
Read Details

Biwiya apne pati ko A.G.

Biwiya apne pati ko A.G. kyo kahti hai?

Kyuki Biwiya Sanskari hoti hai


Bhare Bazar me "Abe Ghadhe" nahi keh sakti isliye short mein AG Kehti hRead Details

KNITTING TIME A girl working in

KNITTING TIME

A girl working in the department of productivity, Ministry of Industry, Started to knit a sweater for her husband. She gave it up only half done. Her husband asked her, 'Why?'
She replied, 'I have not been going to office for the last few days, so I could not finish your sweater.'sRead Details

COLOUR T. V. Nathu and his

COLOUR T. V.

Nathu and his wife wanted to buy a colour television set.
They went to the biggest television shop in Jalandhar whwre the following Conversion took place:
Shopkeeper: 'What kind of T. V. set would you like to buy, sir?'
Natha: 'Colour T. V. set only.'
After the shopkeeper had shows them the different sets available, Natha and his wife went to one side and began an animated discussion.
After some time, the shopkeeper helpfully enquired, 'What are you discussing? Maybe I can help you?'
'We have a problem. We can't decide which colour to buy.' replied Natha.Read Details

WHO WEARS THE PANTS? On our

WHO WEARS THE PANTS?

On our first wedding anniversary my aunt gave us a colour TV as a present.
She said, 'Beti, the colour TV is for your husband, this remote control is for you.'Read Details

WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE TICK? A quartet

WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE TICK?

A quartet by Ogden Nash sums up the ideal relationshop between a husband and a wife: 
To keep your marriage brimming, 
With love in the loving cup.
If ever you're wrong, admit it,
If ever you're right, shut up.Read Details

PATI-VRATA The Ram Lals were having

PATI-VRATA

The Ram Lals were having a lot of tension in their marrige. 
Ram Lal's wife went to consult a holy man and sought his guidance.
The holy man heard her complaints and said, 'Beti, it is the footsteps of her husband. So must you.'
'But maharaj, how can I do that?' asked Ram Lal's wife. 
'My husband is a postman.'Read Details

COLOUR TV Natha and his wife

COLOUR TV

Natha and his wife wanted to buy a colour television set. They went to the biggest television shop in Jalandhar where the following conversation took place: 
Shopkeeper: (What kind of TV. set would you like to buy. Sire ? 
Natha: Colour TV set only. 
After the shopkeeper had shown them the different sets available Natha and his wife went to one side and began an animated discussion. After some time the shopkeeper helpfully enquired what are you discussing? Maybe l can help you're 'We have a problem. We can't decide which colour to buyer replied Natha.Read Details

TV for Husband, Remote for

TV for Husband, Remote for wife

On our first wedding anniversary my aunt gave us a color TV as a present. She said, Beti, the color TV is for your husband, this remote control is for
you. 
Read Details

1 horror movie dekhi Husband:rat

1 horror movie dekhi 
Husband:rat ko mene ek horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere aage kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi, 
Wife:Kaun si movie thi? 
Husband:Apni shadi kiRead Details

Letter from husband ( who

Letter from husband ( who is abroad) to wife

Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen
============ ========= 
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses Instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet HeartRead Details

Wife came home with a

Wife came home with a goat. 
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kyon layi ho?" 
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hai !" 
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hoon"Read Details

पत्नीः मुझे भिखारियों से नफरत

पत्नीः मुझे भिखारियों से नफरत है।
बांकेः क्यों?
पत्नीः कल मैने एक भिखारी को खाना दिया था, आज उस भिखारी ने मुझे एक किताब उपहार मे दी है खाना कैसे बनाए।Read Details

A husband and wife were

A husband and wife were having a bitter querrel . The husband exploded in rage i must have been mad to marry you.
you were but i didn;t notice it as i was madly in love, replied the wife
Read Details

wife is missing Man: Sir,

wife is missing 
Man: Sir, my wife is missing. 
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai, 
police station me complain dijiye. 
Man:Kya karoon, khushi k mare kuch samajh nahin aa rahaRead Details

Message of the year Women

Message of the year 
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life...!! 
Why? Very simple 
A woman does not have a wife..!!! 
Read Details

A family saw a "sholay"

A family saw a "sholay" movie, came back home and husband

romantically said to wife :
"naach basanti naach"

Child added: "basanti iss kuttay keh saamne mat naachnaRead Details

A lady walked into a

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she
needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!

That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".Read Details

एक दिन राजू के पापा

एक दिन राजू के पापा एक रोबोट ले कर आये.

वह रोबोट झूठ पकड़ सकता था और झूठ बोलने वाले को गाल पर खीँच कर चांटा मार देता था.

आज राजू स्कूल से घर देर से आया था... पापा ने पूछा "घर लौटने में देर क्यो हो गयी?"

"आज हमारी एक्स्ट्रा क्लासेस थी" राजू ने जवाब दिया...

रोबोट अचानक अपनी जगह से उछला और जमकर राजू के गाल पर चांटा मार दिया.

पापा हंसकर बोले, "ये रोबोट हर झूठ को पकड़ सकता है और झूठ बोलने वाले को चांटा भी मारता है. अब सच क्या है यह बताओ... कहाँ गए थे?"

"में फिल्म देखने गया था" राजू बोला

"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने कड़ककर पूछा

"हनुमान"
चटाक... अभी राजू की बात पूरी भी नहीं हुई थी की उसके गाल पर रोबोट ने एक जोर का चांटा मारा.

"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने फिर पूछा

"कातिल जवानी."

पापा ग़ुस्से में बोले "शर्म आनी चाहिए तुम्हे. जब में तुम्हारे जितना था तब ऐसी हरकत नहीं किया करता था."

चटाक... रोबोट ने एक चांटा मारा... इस बार पापा के गाल पर.

यह सुनते ही मम्मी किचन में से आते हुए बोली "आख़िर तुम्हारा बेटा है ना... झूठ तो बोलेगा ही"

अब मम्मी की बारी थी... चटाक...Read Details

Wife : Honey ...... What

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.Read Details

रेखाः मैंने सुना है कि

रेखाः मैंने सुना है कि तुम्हारे पति को नींद में चलने की बीमारी है।
मीनाः हां... है तो, मगर घबराने की बात नहीं है। 
रेखा- क्यों?
मीना- क्योकि वे इतने आलसी है कि दो-चार कदम चलकर फिर लेट जाते हैRead Details

Wife: mere irade bade nek

Wife: mere irade bade nek hain,, aap hajaro mein ek hain...

husband: dimag ke hum bhi DON hain,, kameeni

pehle ye bata baki ke 999 kaun hain..Read Details

Wife to husband:- kash aap

Wife to husband:- kash aap sms hotay 
Wife: Jaanu kash aap SMS hote, Main aap ko save karti, 
Husband: Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti, Main har hafte tumhe change kartaRead Details

wife hit her husband with

wife hit her husband with frying pan 
Husband: What was that for..? 
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket 
with the name Jenny on it. 
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse. 
Wife: Sorry..! 
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again 
Husband: What now..? 
Wife: Your horse is on the phone.Read Details

wife inspecter se! Mera husband

wife inspecter se! 

Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya: 
Inspector bola:- to behen kuch or pakaa lo:Read Details

Husband wife mein ladai hoi

Husband wife mein ladai hoi This is the best...... 
Husband wife mein ladai hui, 
Husband ghar se chala gaya , 
Husb:Raat ko phone pe ,"Khane main kya hai" 
Wife:Zeher. 
Husb:Mai der se aaoonga, tum kha kar so jana:Read Details